I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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