Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
