Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
