Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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