All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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