Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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