dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
