Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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