in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
