guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
