guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
