I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
