This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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