Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
