i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
