If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
