one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
