Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
