I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
