Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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