This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
