My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
