I am puke
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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