I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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