Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
