I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
