used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The power of my boobs compel you
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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