I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
