Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize