Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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