if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Drake has all the answers
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
