Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
