Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
