I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
