If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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