When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
