What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have already put on my inside pants.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
