i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
