You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
