Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
