So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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