Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
