Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
