you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
