You're completely useless in the revolution.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
