that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
