she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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