you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
