Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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