Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
