I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
