she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
