So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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